I've been fortunate enough to complete two degrees, film documentaries in Uganda, Kenya, and Ghana, complete a 1 year artist in residency at the Ann Arbor 16 mm Film Festival, hold a 2 yr residency as a poet and artist with In-Side Out (an organization brining poetry and writing to inner city Detroit), design and paint large-scale public murals, row Crew for the University of Michigan - one of the top performing athletic schools in the nation, record music with world famous musicians, travel and work in many countries around the world, lead rooms of over 500 people in trainings and workshops, and inspire even the most timid to sing and dance in front of an audience (and love doing it).

 

My path has also led me through physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, bullying, racism, immigration and loss of belonging, serious injuries and multiple surgeries, eating disorders, substance use disorders, panic attacks, depression, gender and sexuality constraints, oppression, suicide attempts, divorce, heartbreak, feelings of never being enough, and significant death and loss of loved ones.

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Today I am in an incredibly powerful and clear place, walking with my shadow beside me, with the intimacy and inner sense of calm that I have always longed for.

 

However, it has not always been this way. 

 

Between 2008 and 2011 I lost my dream job after two on-the-job injuries that stopped my career dead in its tracks. I was in two car accidents, had three surgeries, was self-medicating with alcohol, and was also nearly institutionalized by a loved one, against my will and against the advice of my own doctors.  Every day I carried a sense of dread that at any moment I might be erased, and cease to exist completely, and it terrified me. In the midst of these overwhelming feelings of dread, uncertain about whether I had a future, I traveled to Australia and had a session with a powerful healer and art therapist. In that session I was shown how my demons (literal and metaphorical) were clinging to me and dragging me down, crippling me, and in that very moment something began to shift.

 

That moment was the first step in a radical shift in all areas of my life. I began to work and train anew with dedication to unearthing and owning my shadow, and exploring all the ways that spirit can lift and connect us all as people. Because of the help I received, and the choice I made to continue my journey and pursue and develop my gifts, today I am not drowning in dread every day; instead I feel more myself than ever before, and am living for me instead of anyone else's idea of who I should be. Rather than panic attacks, suicidality, and persistent fear and hopelessness, now I drink less alcohol, eat healthier, exercise in ways that are kind to my body (rather than punishing), travel more, feel safe and happy in my home, and am experiencing the most rewarding, playful, and intimate relationship of my entire life.

 

Shame no longer rules my life, and because of that I have been able to succeed in my business and personal life at a degree that I wasn't capable of before. 

 

I have walked paths others built for me, told me I should be on, and also the paths that I found for myself; in every step on every path I have found the way to parts of myself. The Path of IX has continually shown me to not abandon myself, to seek help, to find support and to always have compassion. Is my journey done? No, everyday I have to "let my jaguar down the tree", practice embracing it all, be grateful, be in the moment, and keep walking. I feel blessed and inspired as I witness and support others on their own Paths of IX, singing all the parts of themselves together into harmony, so that they too can find the peace and happiness of being alive.